Inside this head of mine
by Aida Caroti
Summary: Want to know what a character is thinking? Or a missing scene? Read ahead! A series of drabbles based on the episodes in series 4. Chapter 42: Arthur couldn't shake the feeling he knew this place, and then it hit him. It was his greatest mistake.
1. My Lady

Just some Drabbles about series 4 J (Will aim for all drabbles to be 100 words; will do this all the way through the series)

This one is based on S4EP1- The Darkest hour part I

Sir Leon

The air was damp and mist swirled around our faces as we rode towards the suspicious cart trailing along the floor. It was pulled by a woman in a tatty black dress. Arthur had sent us, chasing whispered rumours of the Lady Morganas whereabouts

For she was still a Lady- at least in my eyes. She always would be. I had seen her grow and I had seen the evil inside her. But she was still my Lady, I had always held a soft spot for her, and although I would never wish Camelot harm I still cared for her.

A/N Any suggestions send me them :)


	2. This is what you taught me

Morgana

The knife in my hand was shaking my resolve was crumbling. Could I do this? Could I kill my only remaining family? I had to. I had no choice, this was the only way.

But she's my sister, how can this be right?

I don't know anything anymore, but if this is the only way. The only way to become Queen then I must do it. The throne was mine; the Pendragons are too weak to rule. They persecute me, they chase me. They want me dead.

So they will die.

I am sorry my sister, but this is what you taught me.


	3. Without magic

Merlin

What was I without magic? If I can't protect the ones I love?

I have never felt so helpless, so fearful.

'Merlin, are you alright?' Gaius asked softly bringing me from my thoughts.

'What if I can't save them this time? What if I fail in my destiny?' Tears were welling up in my eyes as I faced away from Gaius, but he gently turned my face.

'You won't Merlin.' He said with confidence.

'But..'

'You won't Merlin, there is no one I would trust more. Your destiny has only just begun. I believe in you Merlin, after everything you have done. You can do anything Merlin.'


	4. A mere servant

Arthur

No. Merlin couldn't be dead, but as I turned him over he was frozen. Covered in that deathly sheen that was the Dorocha's only mark

'No' I choked out 'Merlin?' He was dead. I had never believed Merlin could die; he seemed to survive everything, every adventure- without a sword or armour. Yet now here he was dead- dead because he protected his Prince. I didn't deserve his loyalty. He was a mere servant yet he meant more to me than my knights, he was my best friend.

Now he would never know. I bowed my head consumed in my own grief.

'Sire, he's alive!'

A/N Reviews are always appreciated :)


	5. Willingly

S4EP02 The darkest hour part II

Lancelot

I had once said that Merlin was braver than all of us, and after he told the dragon his plans to sacrifice himself, that belief had only doubled. He was braver than all of us, could I go willingly and knowingly to my own death? I'm not sure.

But it wasn't Merlin's time to die; the Dragon had said as much (a huge talking scary dragon at that). He had a great destiny, a great future with Arthur. I could no longer see myself in that picture not now, not without Gwen. I wanted her to be happy and therefore Arthur must live.

I wouldn't let him sacrifice himself when I could save them all from so much pain.

I knew now that I could.

A/N Are you liking these? Any in particular you want to read? Let me know! Thanks


	6. If only

Gwaine

I had known Lancelot a year, we were close friends. He would share a tankard with me on a dark night and confide in me like no other. The loss of Lancelot while I slumbered was weighed heavily on my heart, Lancelot was far too good for his own good. If only he was selfish, if only he had stepped back and let someone else take his place. But he didn't and now he was dead. We didn't even have a body, nothing for one of the bravest men I would ever know. My cheerful attitude diminished, I rode on in silence for now at least not seeing the fun in life I usually did.

A/N Who's excited for tonight? :)


	7. It's in the apple

HOW AMAZING WAS THE LAST EPISODE!

-Spoilers coming up

4x03 'The wicked day'

Guinevere

The knife hit the wood with a thud and I shut my eyes. This was pure idiocy. How could Arthur agree to this? This is madness. The man raises the dagger again and I flinch as I bite my nails tracking the daggers path and letting out a relieved puff of air as it lands by his hand. I look around the room noting that Merlin at least looks as tense as me as he eyes the man wearily. The man lifts the last dagger and I feel the tension in the room rise, my heart is thudding and Arthurs eyes are wide with fear. The man throws it, a dark look on his face. It lands and for a moment I fear the worst.

It's in the stupid apple.

The people cheer as Arthur is released and arrogantly takes a bite of the apple. He takes a cocky bow before returning to his seat.

I let out a relieved smile, thinking about how I would berate him for nearly giving me a heart attack the next time we were alone.

A/N Please review, it's nice to get a feel of what the audience likes. Thanks for reading!


	8. For my son

One of the saddest moments of the episode, Uther being a badass and then being stabbed. Poor guy.

Uther

The sounds of a battle had woken me and now I was battling not only for my own life, but for my sons as well. My weakened muscles were screaming in agony, but I had to continue- must save Arthur.

I killed the man, but his dagger plunged through my chest. Surprise, shock and pain.

Now Arthur was cradling me and I was dying, he turned his head away from me to hide his tears and my heart clenched. I had always told him that Princes don't cry. This King certainly does, this last year- since Morgana has been full of them.

He would be the King that Camelot would be proud of. He had proven himself to me more than he needed to. I believed in him.

There was no better way to die than for Arthur.

A/N Hoped you liked! Please review!


	9. Haunting you

Morgana

'I hope the image of my face haunts him' I'd said to Arthur's pathetic uncle.

I did, I wanted to be the last thing he thought off, the last face he saw. I wanted it to hurt him, hurt his fragile mind to think of the daughter he had pushed away.

He was the cause of everything, the loss of my real father. The loss of my former friends, and of Camelot.

His fault.

I wanted my face to be the last to haunt him, I needed to know that at one time at least- he had cared for me.

A/N I love writing as Morgana, she has so much angst! Hope you enjoyed!


	10. Rearing its ugly head

A/N This one is a bit different in respect it's a missing scene that I wish could have been in.

Merlin

'It's hard to accept and I wish it wasn't so… but there really is nothing to be done.' I said mournfully, Arthur regarded me for a few seconds.

'What would you know? You can't understand' He spat. I stared at him in astonishment. I knew more about loss than most people; Freya, Balinor, Lancelot and so many others that could have been spared.

'My father died there was nothing I could do, he was just… gone.' I said slowly hoping he wouldn't remember that conversation from long ago.

'Oh, sorry' Arthur said looking slightly shocked by my revelation.

'There is still a way to heal my father though'

'How?'

'Magic.' Like that I could feel destiny rearing its ugly head. Was the time now?


	11. No longer needed

Gaius

'The King is dead' I said as I pulled the necklace from around Uther's head, the necklace was cold and I didn't recognise it. I could feel the ebb of an enchantment on it. Frowning I left the room, leaving Arthur to his grief.

I leant against a wall and sighed turning the chain over in my hand. Uther for all his faults was my friend. The reason I had stayed in Camelot all these years. Did I belong here anymore? I was just an old man, Merlin was grown up he didn't need me. Arthur didn't need me, not like when he was a child and I tended to his wounds and helped him dry his tears.

Uthers death would lead to a new beginning, but I wasn't apart of the next story. My leave was about to come.

But for now I would stay, just in case.

A/N please review :)


	12. Being King

Arthur

Being King wasn't easy; I had responsibilities to myself and to my people. I no longer had the time to go on quests or go on a hunt. It was constricting and it didn't help that everything reminded me of my father.

It was time to think for myself rather than blindly following, I needed to be a King Camelot was proud of. I could no longer go against my own morals. It's a struggle. But with Agravaine here to help me I am sure I can become the King that Camelot needs.

A/N Review or I will send King Arthur after you. God it was good writing that!


	13. Her every order

Agravaine

I had seen what Morgana could do, what her hate could do. I must now be careful, follow her every wish and help bring the downfall of Camelot.

Arthur is as narrow-minded as Uther was; he would not be the King I wanted. He was weak, a weak boy in a knight's armour.

Please my sister, I do this for the good. I do this for everyone lost. I am doing this for you.

A/N If you don't review, a fairy dies! :)


	14. Some things never change

A/N Just a funny one since there hasn't been chance so far

Merlin

'So my lord, what does our King wish to do today' Merlin sung to wake Arthur who groaned and threw a pillow at him. 'I am sure my king has many important things to do today.'

'Merlin. Shut up.' Arthur shouted from beneath his covers.

'Where would be the fun in that?' Merlin exclaimed picking the pillow up and throwing it back at Arthurs sleeping form.

'I am the King!' Arthur exclaimed with all the dignity of a pig.

'Your point is?' Merlin questioned as he set out Arthurs clothes for the day.

'You will do as I say!'

'Yeah that's going to happen. I'll go get breakfast shall I? After all you are meeting the Knights in half an hour.' Merlin laughed at Arthur jumping out of bed and hurriedly dressing. 'Good to see you up _sire_' A cup sailed past his ear as he left the room. Some things never changed.

A/N Excited for tonight Merlin fans? You best be! Thanks for everyone who has reviewed or subscribed to alerts, means a lot. Hope you've enjoyed so far!


	15. Sharing the Skies

Merlin 4x04 'Aithusa'

Kilgharrah

Finally I would no longer be the last of my kind. I would have another to share the importance of being a dragon. Another to talk to and teach

One that will hopefully listen to me; unlike the warlock.

I must put my trust in the young warlock, he will not let me down I am sure. Soon I will have another dragon to share the skies with.

A/N I loved this episode, especially the trouser and bed scenes. Hilarious! Reviewers get virtual cookies :). Thanks for everyone who has reviewed so far or has signed up to story alerts :).


	16. A flash of gold

Gwaine

I saw him. I am sure of it, he was the only one who saw the shooter and then he just glanced and his eyes flared and I'm sure of it. He did magic, to save us.

Merlin has magic. How could he be such a fool! To live in the place that executes all people like him? He needed to be protected. I would have to look out for him from now on, as I'm sure Lancelot did before me. Someone has to keep him out of trouble

A/N This is a very short one, hope you are enjoying these!


	17. Knot in my stomach

Arthur

Arthur woke clutching his head as he sat up and his stomach lurched painfully, he looked around and saw the knights in similar conditions. Glancing around he realised he couldn't see Merlin anywhere.

'Anyone seen Merlin?' The knights shook their heads. Arthur looked up at the sun, it was much later than it was before. What the hell had happened? Where was Merlin? It wasn't natural for all of them to be knocked out, someone must have done something. 'Elyan, Leon search the area.' They left as Gwaine wandered over to the pot.

'Sire have a look at this.' Gwaine called, Arthur glanced into the pot and spotted a lump. Something that shouldn't be there, poison?

'Sire!' Leon called 'We've found footprints!' Picking up his sword and gesturing to Gwaine the knights set of to follow the trail left.

Arthur could only hope Merlin was alright, maybe then the knot in his stomach would disappear.

A/N Thanks for reading!


	18. A name?

Merlin

A name? I had to name it? What! Suddenly my mind was blank of good names…

Fluffy? Snuffles? Patrick?

Sally? Spot? Blue?

Oh jeez, this was a responsibility. Something respectable, something dragonish.

Um..

Aithusa?

It sounds alright… it would do. It sounds pretty too.

'Aithusa'

A/N I thought I had already posted this, obviously not!


	19. Chainmail is a pain

Merlin

Merlin was going to kill Arthur, his heart was pounding against his chest, his feet sliding and slipping on the uneven ground as he ran for his life. Why had Arthur volunteered him for this he had no idea. He was weighed down by the mass of chainmail that was far too large and went all the way to his knees. It was so heavy, ever ran in chainmail? It's not pleasant.

Though Merlin could get used to the cape, it fluttered nicely as he ran. But as an arrow flew past his ear Merlin had decided that Arthur would be getting Rat stew for the next few weeks.

A/N I loved this weeks episode, although there were many moments when I thought 'they should have done this instead' so you will get a look at that, although it will still be cannon!


	20. Not the man he was

A/N I've not updated in ages, sorry. I am a bad person but to be honest the reception to these drabbles has been a bit rubbish, so I'm turning my attention to other stuff, I will still update but it won't be often.

Arthur

He couldn't get what Merlin had said out of his head, Merlin was right- he always is. It wasn't like him at all.

But Agravaine was right; he had to show he was strong. He had to show the people that he was a good King.

He had a lot to live up to, Agravaine wouldn't lead him wrong. He was sure.


	21. Elyan? Bit big for your boots

Gwaine

Elyan had elected himself to speak on behalf of all the knights _again. _It was starting to annoy Gwaine, why did Elyan think himself above the others? Leon had been a knight the longest. Gwaine had known Arthur longer than Elyan, so why was it always Elyan?

Why was everyone making him out to be a laughing stock?

It wasn't fair.


	22. Merlin never gets hurt

Percival

In the chaos of the fight, we had lost Arthur and Merlin. The others seemed to be worrying about Arthur but not Merlin when I asked why, they simply told me the Merlin is always okay.

But Merlin surely is more likely to get injured than Arthur I had asked, they had laughed.

Gwaine clapped me on the shoulder and just said I'd learn.

A/N Do you like? Or should I stop this now? Review. :)


	23. He'll be fine

Gaius

The thought that Merlin could be dead was horrible, Merlin could be lying in a ditch dead and how would he know? Arthur said he would get him back and He believed him he supposed. But Merlin was his son, and if he died so would Gaius. He was all he had left, all that he loved.

Merlin had to be alive, he was too special to lose. Far too important than to be killed by bandits.

When Merlin dies it will be with honour and not like this.

Merlin would be fine. Merlin had to be fine.

A/N I always love writing Gaius. Anyway, review and you get cookies.


	24. You lost a friend

Merlin

"I don't want to lose another friend" Arthur said quietly.

"You already have." Merlin muttered, his eyes focused anywhere that wasn't Arthur. Arthur opened his mouth for a second as if to speak before instead hastily leaving the room.

If Arthur doubted Gaius then he doubted Merlin.

He wasn't his friend. Not if he didn't believe him, Arthur could never be his friend.

It hurt, but losing Gaius hurt more. Gaius dying or injured was like he was injured himself, a living agony.

Until Arthur was willing to learn the truth about him, he could never mean as much as Gaius.

A/N Review?


	25. He's our friend

Gwen

Gwen entered the room quietly, Arthur was brooding at her table and even as he looked up at her his face didn't brighten.

"Gwen." He said flatly.

"Arthur." Gwen replied softly "Are you okay?"

"No. Gaius cared for me, how could he lie? How could he betray us?" Arthur asked brokenly.

"Are you sure he did?" Gwen asked carefully, Arthur's eyes snapped to hers.

"You sound like Merlin."

"Gaius is like his father, he must be in so much pain."

"He said Gaius would have said goodbye." Arthur whispered "Not only did Gaius hurt me, but he hurt Merlin too."

"You need to speak to Merlin"

"I can't, I doubt he sees me as a friend anymore."

"Well I do Arthur, he needs his friends."

"He doesn't need me."

"Well if you are too much of a prat to see him, I will. He is our friend Arthur. He needs us." Gwen said hotly before storming from the room, leaving Arthur alone.


	26. Innocence

Gwaine

Merlin was my friend and I knew he'd be hurt so I went to wait for him in Gaius' chambers. It was hard to think that the old man had done anything wrong, I strongly doubted he had.

So who would frame him?

The real traitor?

Camelot was filled with betrayal and secrets; it was one thing I learnt. Merlin has his fair few.

But he is my friend and someone has to help him, he was my first friend. He is my best friend and I will do anything for him. Anything, he earned my trust and respect long ago as did Gaius.

My King was wrong.

Gaius was innocent; we just had to prove it.

A/N Love writing Gwaine, any requests? Tell me in a review :P. Thanks to everyone who had reviewed so far, you are all brilliant :D


	27. Muddled thoughts

Gaius

It was so warm, so hot. So confusing.

_Tell me_

I couldn't remember what I was supposed to tell. Pain was everywhere surrounding me. Little dots of white flashed across his eyes.

_Tell me who Emrys is_

I couldn't remember why but I couldn't tell. It was important, it was a secret. No one could know.

_Tell me_

I just needed it to stop, my mind was fuzzy I couldn't remember why- my mind was drifting, needed to end this.

_Tell me_

I didn't want to.

**_Tell me._**

I couldn't take it anymore, so I did and my insides burnt with guilt and pain while my eyes burnt with tears.

A/N Review and stuff, hope you liked. :)


	28. Traitor

Gwaine

Agravaine was holding a dagger to Gaius' throat, he tried to rationalise it but I knew what I had seen. Arthur could never believe me, neither would the other knights.

They think me a joker with no depth.

Agravaine was the traitor and I'd be keeping a close eye on that scum.

I would protect my friends if it cost me my life.

A/N A very short one for you :)


	29. Betrayal

Arthur

"He was kidnapped" Gwaine had said. It all crashed down on him, the feeling of immense guilt.

He'd betrayed his friend when he wasn't even guilty, he'd assumed.

After everything Gaius had done for him, after all the times of him nursing him back to health. Telling him why his father hated magic when he was only young. Gaius had been the only one he would cry in front of. Gaius had almost been a second father to him in those early years.

Gaius had not betrayed him, he had betrayed Gaius.

He would have to do everything in his power to make this right and could only hope Gaius would forgive him.

A/N One more to do before tonight's episode, if you like? Review :). This one was requested by Dirl15.


	30. Doubting what I've been Taught

Arthur

"Contained within this great kingdom there is a variety of people, with a range of different beliefs. I'm not the only one seeking to protect you. There are many more who believe in the world you are trying to create. One day you will learn Arthur, one day you will understand, just how much they've done for you."

A surge of emotions and thoughts were running through his head, what exactly was Gaius getting at? Why did he feel like he wasn't being told the whole truth?

What had they done for him Arthur didn't know but he knew that when he found out he would be immensely grateful.

What if Gaius wasn't the only one who wanted a return of magic? For that was what he had implied. What if magic wasn't as feared and hated as he had believed, instead it seemed they were all hiding their beliefs for fear of persecution.

Arthur didn't trust magic. But people he trusted did. What did that mean?

Arthur was suddenly worried about Merlin; Gaius was a father to him. What Gaius believed it was likely he did Arthur remembered him defending sorcerers and magical beasts in the past.

What if magic would drive a wedge between him and his friends?

Maybe magic wasn't that bad, if only he knew what it had been like before the purge. Not everyone could be evil right?

It went against he was taught but Arthur couldn't help but doubt.

A/N I own nothing. How good was the acting in this scene? First speech is taken from the show.


	31. Probably okay

A/N Based of the episode 'Lamia'

Gaius

Sending Merlin was the logical decision, he would be able to access the situation and if it was a minor matter be able to cure it himself.

Not only that but Merlin had to get used to the pressures that he would be under when he finally completed his destiny. People's lives would be in his hands.

As they already were.

He wouldn't have sent him if he didn't think he could do it.

Plus Arthur needed to see Merlin as more than an idiot if he was ever going to fulfil his destiny.

All would be well- probably.


	32. Freedom

Gwen

It was weird being with the knights without Arthur, she rarely seemed to spend any time apart from him now a days. Not only that but it was nice to be with the Knights and Merlin like she used to be able to do.

Times like this however reminded her of the death of Lancelot, he should have been here. The knights were not whole without him.

Gwen was worried about the village, but she was also relieved. The walls of Camelot could be very constricting and she was glad for some freedom.


	33. Safety

Arthur

They had been gone too long.

It had been far too long.

Arthur was worried, he could not deny.

He doubted he would be as worried if his precious Gwen wasn't there too, not to mention his idiotic friend Merlin.

He could trust the knights to look after themselves. But could he trust the other two?

He wished he had gone with them, maybe then he would be fine.

He had to go after them.

They had to be safe.


	34. Sweet death

Lamia

He was powerful, he looked weak and he acted so but I can feel the power flowing in him, so connected to the magic of the earth. So unusual.

He was a conundrum he was.

Why was he pretending to be weak when he was strong?

It was something I could never understand, those with power crush those without. It is the way, it was how I was made.

Yet he was different, he was pushed around and yet he did not destroy.

I would kill him later; I had to study this specimen first.

He was the first one in hundreds of years to hold any interest to me.

His death would be sweet.

A/N More soon! Please review!


	35. Enough is Enough

Gwen

Merlin was in trouble, my brother was dying.

I had to do something!

I was not a weak woman like the others believed. I was not a pathetic woman. Just because I was Arthurs love does not mean I lost any power to fight for myself and my friends.

I could protect myself.

Picking up the only weapon in the room I ran out and followed the noises of a fight.

I would not let another of my friends die while I sat and did nothing.

Enough was enough.

A/N I have another already wrote, will update tomorrow. :)


	36. Sorry but we were enchanted

The Knights.

A guilty looking group hovered awkwardly in front of the bemused Merlin. They were shuffling and neither one of them looked like they were going to speak anytime soon.

Merlin didn't break the silence instead letting them suffer.

"Look Merlin." Leon finally said gruffly avoiding Merlin's eyes "I- we just wanted to say that our-"

"He's trying to say we're sorry." Gwaine interrupted. Gwaine didn't look as guilty as the rest and instead was smirking slightly.

"Our actions were not that of our own and we would never have acted such a way if we were in our right minds." Percival said in his deep voice- his muscles flexing slightly as he gestured as he spoke.

"I was unconscious for most of it- but I am still sorry." Elyan said.

Merlin burst out laughing.

"You think I'm mad?"

"I didn't" A peeved Gwaine said.

"Arthur told us too, said you were insulted. Said our actions were awful." Leon said his voice stilted.

"Well you weren't nice, but it wasn't your fault. She made you do it." Merlin shrugged.

"We are sorry anyway, for any hurt we caused." Elyan said determinedly.

"Quite alright." Merlin said cheerfully "Don't you have knight type things to get back to?"

"Arthur has us running drills, no idea why." Gwaine was frowning.

"Off you go then." Merlin shooed the Knights away.

Arthur was so firmly under Gwen's thumb it was unbelieveable, she had obviously been talking in his ear. Well, good advice was always welcomed Merlin thought staring thoughtfully at the retreating knights.

It was nice to see the knights get pummelled after such a week.

A/N Happy Merlin day! Thanks for all the reviews and alerts, you make me very happy! The Adventure Continues next week...


	37. She is ready

Arthur

It had taken me a long time to come to the conclusion that it was time to marry Gwen, and with the events of the last few weeks I had seen her grow into the maker of a good queen.

She was ready as she would ever be.

He loved her and she loved him, there was no longer a reason to put it off.

I smiled as I turned the ring over in my palm imagining her face lighting up when she saw it.

All this time and all the heartache would be worth it once she was my wife and queen.

A/N I could make excuses for the delay but I am far to lazy. Hope you enjoy- more to come. The adventure continues...


	38. Lancelot wouldn't forget

Merlin

Lancelot was back, he was back and he was alive.

Merlin couldn't remember feeling happier.

But there was something slightly off about him, he was too distant. His little winks were gone, his looks of understanding.

He was treating him as nothing more than a servant. That stung a little.

"If any of us had magic Merlin"

Merlin's heart thudded against his chest, his throat closing.

He didn't remember, he didn't know.

Their Lancelot would never have forgotten, so who was he and why was he here?

Merlin just wished he was himself and everything would be okay. But it couldn't and it wasn't.

A/N Poor Merlin he just wants his buddy back. The adventure continues!


	39. Tingling

Guinevere 

The bracelet tingled against my wrist as I stared into the tent at my Lancelot. He was beautiful, he was amazing. His shoulders flexed as he moved and I gave a little sigh as the bracelet almost sang.

I advanced on him, my eyes wide in want and need. His questions confused me, his eyes were forever dark.

I gulped.

Something was wrong but I couldn't work out what it was, my head throbbed as I considered.

Arthur, the bracelet stopped tingling and I froze, why was I here? I loved Arthur didn't I? We were going to be married. I fled the tent in horror. Why was I so drawn to him when I was long over him?

Something was wrong here but as the bracelet tingled again I couldn't quite remember.

I loved Lancelot.

Didn't I?


	40. Pain

Arthur

I was betrayed, hurt. My heart had been torn out and stomped all over. How could they do this to me, how dare they do this to me? I was their King but more than that I was their friend. Was everyone in my life born to betray me?

My father, Morgana, Lancelot and dear sweet Guinevere.

How could they do this to me?

Was it me? Did I not treat her right? Did she never love me?

The injustice burned at me insides and I wanted nothing more than to kill them like Agravaine had suggested but it would only deal with my anger.

I would be even more upset after.

I couldn't rule like that, I couldn't live like that.

I would not kill them, I could not kill them. After all they've done to me after they burnt me with their actions I still love them and I always will.

But she had to go, I could not stand the pain of having her near and never being able to touch her.

I could not.

I doubted my heart would ever heal.


	41. Where do I go?

Guinevere 

Elyan visited me in the night, he watched me with dark eyes he stared at me and simply asked 'why did you do it?' It's a question that has been asked before and shall be asked again. It is one I can't answer.

Elyan had hugged me and left, I knew he blamed me. I knew he no longer respected me. The same with all of those I knew.

I packed my cart and left; Merlin's eyes burning holes in my back.

Where do you go when you have no one left in the world, no money or trade and all of your possessions are in the heavy cart you pull?

You run. I closed my eyes and remembered a woman from long ago, a kind lady with a big heart.

Hunith would look after me and I doubted she would think any less of me for my actions.

With a goal in mind I set off and hoped that this wouldn't be the last time I was here and that one day I could return home.


	42. Trespassing

Series 4 Episode 10- A Herald of a New Age.

Arthur

The clothes blew in the mind, twirling in the air. I looked around feeling a sense of recognition. I stumbled further down towards it and stood still.

I knew this place.

It hit me, I knew exactly what this place was and it wasn't good. This was the place of so many deaths, one of my greatest mistakes.

We had to leave quickly, I was intruding.

The memories I thought I had long supressed came back, the screams echoing inside me head.

"There is nothing for us here." I said and it was true, this was a shine to the druids who died here. The Druids I killed.

I would trespass no longer.


	43. I'm Scared

Elyan

Voices, faces.

In my head, they wouldn't leave. I don't like it. I don't want it.

It tells me things, things to do, he's in my head.

It hurts, it hurts so much. Get it out. Get him gone.

Someone help me, why does no one help me? Why does no one understand?

Help.

Someone, anyone. He's here, his dripping haunts me.

Someone save me.

I'm scared.

A/N Poor Elyan :'(


	44. King before Friend

Percival

Elyan is our friend but Arthur is our king, no matter how much I care for the former I could never betray the latter. We all understand that about each other, the King comes before us all.

Our friend tried to kill our King.

Although we know what must be done, although I understand.

There is nothing I can do to protect him, he brought this on himself like we knew he would. I can't believe Elyan would do this, his King means everything to him.

Our King must always come first, no matter what our feelings. It is our duty as a knight.

I just wish I didn't feel so guilty.

A/N What do you think? I'm not sure I know Percival's character well enough :/


	45. Reflection

Arthur

All my fault, it seems everything is. It is my fault that the boys soul can't rest. So many things all my fault.

I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself.

And now it is Elyan who suffers for me, because of me and my mistakes. I can't let this continue.

If only my death or my repent will end this then I will do anything, anything to end this never ending guilt

Anything to put things right.

My life is nothing when I can't face myself in the mirror.

A/N I liked writing this one :D


	46. One step closer

Merlin

He begged, he pleaded and he laid his life on the line. All to redeem himself and let the poor boys soul lay to rest.

It gives me hope this side to him, this side that is willing to change, willing to apologise and admit mistakes.

It proves to me that he is not his father, that maybe he wouldn't kill me when I tell him.

But most of all it gives me hope; hope in the future we could build. Maybe one day the world will be right and those with magic and those without could live beside each other- as brothers.

We were one step closer every day.

A/N I loved this episode, not enough of the ladies really but evil Morgana will be poking her boots into things, going to get interesting. 


	47. Simply Surviving

Guinevere 

Life was hard but when had it not, and when I was down and when I was cursing life and Arthur I remembered that I had no one to blame but myself.

I was lucky to be able to shovel the filth that I do, I am sure others would have saw me hung.

It was nothing short of what I deserved.

This live was okay, it was hard and bitter and the people were equally so. But it was a life, it was a living and I could cope. I could survive.

But I couldn't live, there was nothing in this world for me anymore. I almost gave up, I almost wished for it to end just to end the pain and suffering.

But I would never do that to Arthur, my friends or my brother.

So I didn't live but simply survived.

**A/N Poor Gwen :(**


	48. Power

Morgana

Allies can not be trusted, I knew that. But I could trust a desire for power even if that man would cut me down where I stood for a bit more.

There are many forms of power in this world and I am the most powerful of them all.

Love is a weak and pointless and emotion but it held so much control over someone, love was what kept Agravaine by my side. He did not understand me, he just desired me and it made him an important pawn in my game.

Fear is another form of control, this form is thrilling to give, exhilarating to create. But those who fear tend to do stupid things, they tended to panic. Panic never ended well and their guts stained my floor.

My power of magic however is mine and mine alone. I could raise a city to the ground, kill everyone in sight. That is true power.

I understood power.

Power was what made me great, that made me better than everyone else.

It is why I would win this war.

It's why Arthurs head would be on a stick.

Power would always belong to those who sought after it and not those too weak to wield it.

**A/N Or Morgana, I do love your evil mind :D**


	49. A Queen One Day

Merlin

Gwen, my friend. My first friend in Camelot was here, she was back.

I had never been so happy to see anyone.

What had happened to her I did not know, but god have mercy on any who harmed her. I would kill them and then Arthur if anything happened to her.

Gwen would be Queen as it is nothing short of what she deserves.

Gwen is my friend and it pained me to see her like this, frightened and so very sad. Everything would be right again one day.

If only she would believe that.


	50. My everything

Agravaine

The boy was suspicious, he knew of my plans. Or at least suspected. This could not do. If Morgana knew he had even an inkling… I would be dead.

I can not deny. She would kill me and it would not pain her.

I can't fail now, not so close to the end.

If I have to kill him to keep him quiet then I shall.

Anything for my lady.

My lady is everything to me.

A/N Yack. Agravaine, writing him makes me feel like my skin is crawling. Hate the guy hopefully he shall die soon.


End file.
